30 Commandments to Marry a 9JA Man or is Bobo?1. Thou shall NOT be a LONG TINS BABE (you know what I mean?) 2. Thou shall not lack in boobs, yansh and hips. If you must, please lack only one and find a way to make up for it. Pass 3. Thou shall NOT be a down to earth, real or ride or die chick. I.e all those ruff, rugged and raw "tell it as it is" girls, NOT WORKING. Fail for Shona 4. Thou shall not have dew hair (All those afro/afro-kinky "soul" sisters… FORGET IT). Pass (err before I go to the salon then its a fail!..lol) 5. Thou shall not be a non-church goer. Ladies, for extra credit, be an usher, Sunday school aunty or PRAYER WARRIOR (This applies to other religious sects) Well since m now a Sunday School teacher its a pass abi? 6. Thou shall not go to club to find husband... YOU GO JONZ!! True talk... 7. Thou shall not drink hard liquor or beers. Stick to 2 glasses of wine, IF YOU MUST DRINK ALCHOHOL
LOL!!!!!!No comment...FAIL...8. Thou shall not have un-manicured nails (It has to be French manicure acrylic nails). Amber on this one!! 9. Thou shall not have daddy issues (victims of divorced parents and dysfunctional families … keep it to yourselves). I love my daddy...no daddy issues so err PASS 10. Thou shall not go without makeup (i.e. caked foundation, studio fix but ensure that the make up has a natural look which is purple lip liner, pink lip gloss and chocolate/natural eye shadows) FAIL I guess coz I love my eye-colours..i mean MAC has so many so why choose the boring natural?? 11. Thou shall not lack culinary skills. Perfect the art of egusi, ogbono and all variations of rice. Home Economics is in order How can a Zimba girl like me know how to make egusi, et more? Afrobabe, Parakeet and Tigeress thank you for the lessons that are going to start now!! 12. Thou shall not be a "posh sturvs". Sushi or lasagne…uh ..Really? As much as I love my traditional foods I FAIL DISMALLY because I heart Sushi, one of my girls used to work for Yo!Sushi and boy did I think she was sushi on legs..everytime I saw her I wanted me some sushi! And I make a mean lasagne too 13. Thou shall not knack ya head when you have a weave. Futhermore, on no account should you be caught scratching and flicking the condiments into thin air. That is simply DISGUSTING. Fail - why would Mrs Beyonce Carter sing 'Pat ya weave girl, pat, pat, your weave' if not to show that's what we do???Abeggggg 14. Thou shall not do any strange degrees, such as development, journalism or medical genetics. Ladies, stick to law, engineering, accounting, business or pharmacy. Technically its a pass now coz I'm doing law..lol!! 15. Thou shall not have a sense of humour or try to even be funny (note: SARCASM IS A NO NO) FAIL DISMALLY!!! 16. Ultimately, thou shall not go past a first degree, maybe masters (PHD IS AN ABORMINATION) FAIL ONCE MORE because I intend to get a PHD!!!! 17. If thou must study a masters, please please, remember to dumb down when hanging with his friends. FAIL (And why should I let his friends think I'm dumb??) 18. Thou shall not disclose too much of yourself. You will seem needy PASS : I never let out much anyway... 19. Thou SHALL NOT have a sex life or sexual imagination prior to meeting him. Let him "teach" you. LMAO....FAIL!!! So no mention of HAPPY SEXING..LOL!! 20. Thou shall not listen to anything other than r'n'b or hip hop (common is pushing it). All you World music and rock chicks, NOT HAPPENING MATE). Come on now...so everyone shout with me FAIL!!!(Country music and co also lead to Failure!!) 21. Thou shall NOT an independent woman. (all those "I can pay my own bills" bullshit… Basically , LONG TINS). Refer to commandment one! FAIL!!!!!! 22. Thou shall not be opinionated or well informed (WARNING: This might come off as intimidating. Besides, no one likes a miss know it all). FAIL!!!!! 23. Thou shall not go to any obscure University. Please stick to Kent, Leicester, Nottingham, and Reading. (WARNING- YOU WILL END UP ALONE). LOL!! 24. Thou shall not be overly friendly. All those social butterflies and jovial. Personalities…BEWARE. lol!!! 25. Thou shall not be anti-social when it comes to his family. You have to GET IN THERE FULLY. I heart the families but..... 26. Thou shall not explore any originality when it comes to fashion. Stick to T.M Lewin, Hawes&Curtis, pointies or kitten heels, and jeans – Abortion belt always puts the icing on the cake. To complete the look, don't be seen without your thick framed rectangular glasses (YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SPECSAVERS). I'm sorry but I don't do obvious...FAIL with a BIG F!!! 27. Thou shall not hunt in packs (warning to girls with bossom bodies that cant be separated Understandable but you do need a friend or 2 to hunt with 28. Thou shall NOT be loud. Keep your voice to a minimum always HARD to do sometimes so errr FAIL 29. Thou shall not appear to be having too much fun on the dance floor. When it comes to dancing, keep it simple (Dutty winders and grinders, ITS NOT HAPPENING). Yahooze dance, Rumba,Dombolo,Electric Slide all lead to FAIL!!
Conclusion is I have only about 7 passes..LOL!!I'm hoping most guys don't work with them rules anyways...
Happy sexing to you all my Blogville family!!Thank You for Voting for me!!