Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Emotive Words

‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’
I wonder why as a kid I’d shout loudly to my brothers because true as I am Zimbabwean, words hurt me more, texts, emails, written words I remember and so why would I say that load of bull??Lets just say I was young and foolish..lol!

Shane - a man who has swagger, street smart, well-educated, a man proud of his African heritage, arrogant as hell (but he had to be as you all know arrogance is a weakness on my part!), had a great relationship with his mother and father too , cute lil dimples which you would miss if you didn’t look at him for long, he had this air, this eeerrr je ne sais quoi and the cherry on this was he’d tape The Apprentice/Harlem Heights/24 for the Queen Bee whenever she was working late. Actually Kooks/Haddash – Shane's like Harlem Height’s mixture of Christian et Pierre…a go-getter! Yes he had his faults but all humans have their flaws but still did he deserve what I did to him last night?I cried last night, the second time I’ve cried this week (cried as I watched Daddy’s Girls when Rev Run was reading the e-mail Angela wrote to him), so second time emotive words had turned on the tsunami-waterworks, I couldn’t help it, was I taking it way too personally?The power of words had moved me so much, and yet I kept on typing, letter after letter at my 65wpm(yes that’s how fast I type having been a PA/Executive Legal Assistant for many years), sentiment after sentiment, I dug deeper into my soul, my tears were sure to cause an inferno. It seemed like I couldn’t stop myself, there on my bed surrounded by my many pillows in my spaghetti top and boyshorts I killed off a man!I even had background music as encouragement, Lauryn Hill’s Bohemian Rhapsody - imagine that, a soundtrack to a murder! Shane was dead, no miracle would bring him back, he was going to stay dead, and with each word I was making his existence a mere memory. I’d never thought I’d be this dark, heartless and merciless for some-where in the back of my mind I could hear him fighting for his life, my conscience was his last life-line, begging me to not kill him off, ok make him suffer but the death of a man isn’t easy but I was determined, as much as it affected me, I was going to do it! Last night, as I escaped into the world of an authoress, I ShonaVixen killed off a character I'd created with so much love, honesty, sincerity and probably think I’d kind of fallen for this man I’d created that killing him off was difficult and emotional, but die he had for this creative challenge to continue! It wasn’t the first time some-one had died in my work, but Tadiwa had been shot by a stray bullet, so that was totally different. I hadn’t seen it coming but it felt like he needed to die if I was to continue without a block and now I wonder if indeed by killing him off I also killed ghosts of my own?

PS: Haddash (my Zim chica!) & Tigeress, thank you so much for tagging me (so not happy!!) but me thinks my post A Peak into Shona’s World was more than enough…don’t you? You all know I have the barriers with Blogville! Hope you’re all well, be grateful for what you have and as always Happy Sexing xoxo
PPS: Here’s your Jimmy's Confessions!
Reality tv has me smiling - Harlem Heights, The Apprentice, Baldwin Hills, Daddy's Girls

37 comments:

Confessions of a London gal said...

I would say 11111111SSSSSTTTT
Except i am not sure I am with ur comment thingy?
please say i am :)

~Sirius~ said...

1sssssst
I hope
Comment Moderation....yikes!

UnderCover07 said...

Yay!!!! First!!!!! Now let me go back n' read!...lol

Tigeress said...

4th

~Sirius~ said...

Yessss
Comment moderation, how silly of me.
I remember that saying......I don't totally agree with it, because I actually get hurt by false things said about me.

Wow.......If this is how you felt killing him off...I really need to read that book!

Tigeress said...

i guess not. :( London gal, u beat me to again!! u have to tell me ur secret. let me go read.

Confessions of a London gal said...

OMG!!!! I was 1st!!!
Someone pls call an ambulance!!! I cant breathe!!!!!!!

Confessions of a London gal said...

*Dancing all the dance steps she knows!!!!*

Ohhhhh look at poor Sirius and UnderCover07 screaming 1st... lil do they know

*Confessions laughs and shakes her ead* hahahahaha!!!

Confessions of a London gal said...

Ok, gloating time over!

Awww...Honey, I feel you with the pain- I wont say i know how u feel cos i havent dabbled in fiction b4, but if it was anything like how i felt when Rev Run was reading that letter Angela wrote, then i can just imagine.

Gurl You got me on speed dial right? You need anyone 2 cry with you next time, dial those digits! lol

P.S. Were are my Choos o! Dint c 'em!!!!

Confessions of a London gal said...

@Tigress- What can i say, when u gat it, you gat it! lol.
No mind me jare my sister, manager is on holiday which means no one is behind my seat at work, which then means I can blog all daaaaaay!!!!

Funms-the rebirth said...

awwww glad to see ur book is going on well, pls let me be the first to read..... words really do hurt and i sometimes wish i had the courage to say hurtful words to people.....

Confessions of a London gal said...

Gurl!!!! I am so looving me Choos! You need to check out what I have done with them on me blog...

*Wondering when the real deal will be delivered*

ShonaVixen said...

@Confessions - Well done girl, well done!!!!

@Sirius - Sorry hon, maybe next time!!

@Undercover - Sorry Confessions beat you to it!

@Tigeress - Marking your spot I see!!


@Sirius - Yes that saying not so true!And read that book you will soon hon!

@Tigeress - I think you have to be a stalker to be first!! ..lol!!

@Confessions - You go girl, gloat away..lol!!Gosh I thought I was the only emotional one who felt that letter that Angela wrote to Rev...and yup I will be calling you and you can console me wiv those cakes!!!!

Chari said...

I
am
Lost...

ShonaVixen said...

@Chari - Do you want me to send SatNav so you can find your way?

Tigeress said...

So u're writing a book? Nice! I wish i had that ability. If i do, maybe something based on reconnecting with my dad. i cld title it.......cant think of anything. lol!!

So when do u think u'll finish the book?

ShonaVixen said...

@Funms - Hmm maybe I should be sending the manuscript to you and you'll get tired of the many changes..lol!! But you'll be reading it soon hon!!

@Tigeress - yes hon, this the second manuscript m working on..I got a 2FOR1 deal so working on getting my two babies released all @ one go!!

RocNaija said...

An author or would that be authoress? Then again is a male seamstress called a seamster?! Long thing..

So you do know I been thinking of dabbling into proof-reading..

And I'm discounting my prices in view of the credit crunch..

Might even throw in fixing your bed for you..

What say ye Lady Vixen..

Audzz said...

Deep gurl... Words are powerful fo sho! Fictious but me can relate it to reality... Nhoo interesting that in killing him off u may have killed ghosts of your own. Congrats on the super 2 for 1 deal. Looking forward to reading the book.

ShonaVixen said...

@ His Royal Hardness..oops Sir Roc..hmmm me likes the ring to that..Sir Roc *Doing that Jay-Z Roc sign*...
Author/Authoress same thing no?Hmm lemme check up on the seamstress..lol!
So am I getting a 2FOR1 deal from you kind sir??
Roc, I know you like getting me all excited and next thing you'll tell me just jokes or some yeye line..u know how u do now!!!So when u coming to fix the bed?We talk manuscript after fixing it and that u offered to do o so no payment abi?..lol...

Temite said...

Errrr soweeeee...there will be others. Hope you arent blocked any longer.

Remi, United Kingdom said...

snapshop of the book looks interesting... I will look out for more instalments :-)

Hope you are doing good..

x

O'Dee said...

Humm!
Sounds like something from the movie stranger than fiction.

Hope you'll let us have a peak into the book sometime.

ShonaVixen said...

@Audzz - Looking @ ya being sly mentioning my 'ghosts'..lol!!
Err yeah the 2FOR1 deal in now not just the book deal my girl even Sir Roc will be doing the proof-reading and fixing my bed..imagine that!!!

@Temite - yes hon, that's the joys of creating characters, you can kill one off and give birth to another!

ShonaVixen said...

@Remi - thank you and yebo-yes m doing good or trying to!

@O'Dee - i so remember that movie, and its only just occured to me that its along those lines...I'll be bringing stuff from the book from time to time!!

Afrobabe said...

And while I was there fooling around on face book...people were taking first 25th!!!!

Instead of killing him off give him an afrobabe...someone crazy, crazy enough to bring some action to his life...

Afrobabe said...

oh shit...Comment moderation...I might not even be 26th!!! :(

RocNaija said...

Lmao...
Lady Mosquito.. Opps Lady Vixen, I said price discount.. how in the world does that equate to 'free'??

WOMEN!!!

And I thought you liked my 'yeye' lines??
Awwww.. No more discounts on painting jobs then sorry!!

Sexkitten said...

We were told that words couldn't hurt us when we were kids...then we grow up and found out that it was a lie...

I understand what you went through very well. Hope you've gotten past your block.

ShonaVixen said...

@Afro - when I thought of telling you I'd updated it was already too late..lol...and hon I'd dash him to you but he just had to die...gosh I sound like I should be heading to Holloway saying stuff like that!!

@Sir Roc - lol!I didn't say its free o, I said 2FOR1, I'll pay for the proof-reading but not the bed fixing, that's just you doing me a favour...hey we just might need that bed...to err 'sit and read the manuscript' ;)...don't you back off on me now Roc..u know I love anything you say yeye or not..lol..my special e-something!!

wordmerchant said...

wow shona!!! this book must be off the hook!!! i want to take a peek and read it from page to page

Have you killed him yet? is he dead as in have crossed over or did you just put him in a coma?..

see...i am already gripped.

Hope you finish the book and get published very soon xxx

Good Naija Girl said...

Wow Shona! The book sounds like it'll be very absorbing once it's published. Glad things are flowing really well missy!

Nefertiti said...

The little peek is fiyyyah, Shona. Abeg, let us know when u publish these babies.

Bibi said...

sounds like a dream man. recored your shows for you when you're walking late? yum

LusciousRon said...

Those shoes will get me any day. Wow!

Shane sounds fab why kill him :-(.
Hope you are having a nice week

Confessions of a London gal said...

Shona!!!!! Gurl! I am so glad u won d Best Nigerian looking from outside thingy- cos trust, most people do not even know u aint from Naij!
Saw d note on Fb! Woman, you had me in stiches!!!

Angel said...

And I love that show!!

Words are indeed powerful as are yours! lovely post hun!

Hope you are well x