Saturday, 8 November 2008

Thin Line Between Love & Hate

Its a Saturday evening and I’m home, I have no intentions of leaving my warm home, I'm loving being by my lonesome. My sister said to me that sometimes she feels its a dream that Barack Hussein Obama II is the President-Elect, a brotha is taking his too cute family to the White House...WOW!!Barack Obama has had the butterfly effect on the whole world, by flapping his wings of hope in the USA, there has been a earthquake of hope, faith and daring to dream world over!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.~Dr. Seuss
But lets not just bask in this ambience for the moment whilst the news channels, BET and newspapers cover this and then we set back to routine. YOU CAN DO IT!! It works for all of us, and its never too late to start working on your dreams. Some will say finances don’t allow it, time doesn’t allow it, circumstances, their partners, their children BUT i say if you really want something then go after it! Aint no stopping us now!!

‘You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul’ Julie de Lespinasse

Carrying on from my last post, where I questioned love and lust...now I take it up a notch!!When does love turns lethal, when the thin line from love is crossed to hate! Mr Frenchie(the ex) complained that I wasn’t jealous...and that was a bad thing apparently!!But thats just ShonaVixen... Jealousy is a self-defeating emotion that can drive away the love that we all crave. Apparently there is healthy jealousy and this type of jealousy is a protective fight to maintain your relationships. Would you sit by while a person seduces your spouse or deceives your child? No, you would fight for them. You would do all you could to declare truth. However there is the unhealthy jealousy too...some end up obsessed and consumed by it! They try to destroy the other person and sadly some do it physically and literally end lives. So how does one’s hurt not turn to hate? And sometime vicious hatred?Some go through phones, I don’t (not because I have anything to hide on my phone) some check and trace their partner’s Facebook bordering on stalking, some become friends with the boys just to get the 411 and start chasing on him/her..Some call all the girls on a guy’s phone and assess how you know the guy...yup I received such a call this week from a female who said she was this guy's girl (and he's no more than a pal in my books)she was checking that I wasnt his bust-it baby/jumpoff or wateva and I was like ‘WTF?’, I just kissed my teeth and hung up! Varghk, what if its a business associate she calling?VARGHK!!!And its not just the women, men also do it, they stalk(I have my girl's ex who not only stalked her but stalked us her girls too...he made my life hell for a while and even when I see him today I still shudder!), some will kill, torture all in the name of jealousy or love gone bad. So is it high levels of insecurities?Unrequited love?Lack of trust?

What have you done in the name of protecting your relationship?What have you done after a bitter break-up or thought of doing but didn’t do?LOL...Go on and share with moi!To those who are getting some (coz I've found out its dry season for some..lol)...happy sexing xoxo
RIP Miriam Makeba..i sang Qongqothwane and did the Pata-Pata!!Your songs will always bring me joy.Hamba Kahle Mama Afrika

36 comments:

luvable said...

hey tell me about love and hate. i think am well experience in that department but alwayz on the receiving end of hate. i had an ex.gal who used to work for a mobile phone company who used to tell me my itemised bill in advance LOL, though not funny at all, one who used to call my work place as if it some personal business matter only in a bid to check if i was at work 4real. i have female frenz and when one check on me it take out trust , i hate jelousy ,coz am not, once give a red card coz was not jealousy enough which was interpreted as not caring. and was not angry when i saw an ex talking to some other man so to her it meant did not give a damn coz might be getting some at another place
Hate, has come in different wayz to me, flat car tyres, hate mail, claim of doing me, to name juss a few but that just make me strong and know that am so special hence OBAMALISED and good to go. Advice to those in love and dumped : be level headed about it, tho it hurts coz u would not like it when it happens to u. GO AND LUST , play golf if u can get one to empty your tank on

ps drought is hitting all corners shona vixen, i think am beyond rusty LOL

Kookie said...

First of all...YAY for Obama!!

On to the bitter break up side of things...when I broke up with my ex and found out that he was dating a new girl I wanted to check out his Hi5 profile everyday to see if he had changed his relationship status or worst yet if he had written on page or if there was testimonial about her anywhere(this was when Hi5 was the ish back then before Facebook dunked on its ass....LOL)

I had all these big plans to see what she looked like, who she hung out with and just be better than her. If we went to the club I would make sure I was well dressed to the nines to outdo her. Thankfully I got over competing because my bank balance was hurting!!

Anonymous said...

I broke up a relationship of almost five yrs because he cheated. i felt used and i wanded to revenge sooooo bad. i wantes to call him up and curse him out. i wanted to go to his house and wipe out all the memories of me that ever existed so that he can forever live with the guilt. i wanted him to pay so dearly for wasting years of my life. I could have been single, I could have found me a better man- but no, he decieved me. Obviously i am still very better about this this, heck yes because he has got all of his family members calling me to beg on his behalf for over six months now and i am tired of it. THESE PEOPLE NEED TO STOP CALLING MY PHONE- changing my number might just be an option for real.
ok, i am done.

talesandtallies said...

1st!hpefully...:)*but she has comment approval, so there's no chance in hell*
I have that problem of not knowing how to express jealousy in a spiteful way... i guess i'll just say its bcuz i dont feel threatened by it. really, ppl av stalked my boyfriend and made personal calls to threaten me for no just cause. I just dont think I had to go all the length to revenge, or make an issue out of it. so on that note, you are def. not alone

Funms said...

Go Obama!!!! yea Jealousy could turn to obsession....... honestly, ive snooped before. i simply followed my instincts and boy did i find something. i cant go as far as calling girls on his phone or showing im jealous. not cool at all.........

Parakeet said...

Am I really first????? Cant believe this. Being first is always a challenge o but here is my bit 'real love can and should never turn to hate'. As for those who keep unhealthy tabs on their partners, that's not real love its 'obsessive love' and totally unhealthy. This is because they will not be happy and neither will their partner.

I once broke the windscreen of a partner I caught cheating and till today I regret that action. I was so blind in fury that I didn't even realise I had cut my hands on the process and certainly couldn't see the blood flowing from it. He was the same person who treated the bruise for me and paid for the damage I had done and I was instantly reminded of why I love this man. Real love should never give in to violence no matter how much it hurts.

Parakeet said...

Aww...I just saw that you put up this post up 8 hours ago and being first now will be like trying to pass a carmel through the eye of a needle. This comment moderation thing sef is a dream killer...hahahaha.

MissLove said...

SHITTTTTTT I HOPE I AM 1ST!!!

MissLove said...

OK...WHAT HAVE I DONT TO PROTECT MY RELATIONSHIP...

I have never loved anyone like my ex...I mean the cow was my 1st! for once in my selfish life (I am apparently the queen bitch as most people say n n icequeen) I gave my all to this relationship..spent time with him and his mom, spoke to his siblings, met his cousins..in fact the 'necessary' family just to make him happy n know i'm for real...However, I am someone who thinks so many things are unnecessary..for instance I never thought of being close to his best friends matter of fact I only greeted them bcos of courtesy e mi ke? *hiss* not like I didnt like them but I have my friends (male& female) and I just didn't see the point...

Jealousy? OH MY GOSH- Lets not even go there...I dont know how I became jealous I swear! it is really a strong controlling emotion..I WAS EVEN jealous when my family friend (like my closest since we were babies!) and him started getting close, I mean I was happy she liked him (cos she hated him at 1st)but they played psp together (im a girlyyyy girl) n stuff...I almost killed him with the look in my eyes n excessive mood swings but I never said anything...He figured lol

POST BREAKUP
since we broke up...SH*T u dont want to know what I have thought of doing! I wish I could kill him (but i'll just miss him even more)... I want to slap him over n over but of what benefit will that be to me?...I want to wish him well but I can't ! and thats just the truth!!! I think about him everytime which is so sad...I can only hope no one loves him like me so he would miss me...but thats not fair right? but life isnt fair...sometimes! :) *evil laugh*

sorry 4 the long comment..I just get stirred up!

audzz said...

i've never been the jealous gal, was always free as a bird and had da guys get jealous over me till recently.......... it came upon me like a thief in the night but i kept it well hidden coz showing jealousy aint cool and secretly hated my worse sense of judgement that got me checking his phone to see wot he was upto wen we were away... Thankfully thats a thing of the past! Trust gta exist for love to work... Dang! its been interesting discovering these emotions but negative the negative ones, i'm ready to execute!!! defo fight against... Gotta keep your head up!

ShonaVixen said...

@Luvable - sames like you always have the crazy ones then henh?..lol..

@Kookie - gurl I do remember Hi5, when Facebook was just for college students..i do understand wanting to look better than the current girl..and whats great is going past that phase and saving the money!!..lol...

@Anonymous- first you're going to make me take out this anonymous option coz u defied the rules..lol...on the real gurl, I feel for you hon and hopeful with time the bitterness will fade away, its not easy i know but you will be alrite

@talesandtallies - sorry hon for not being first, but hey wats being first???..lol..and glad am not alone in the non-jealous department..yeah some do go to stalking levels that are way too scary and not right

@funms - gurl Obama did it!!And yeah calling other females is not cool, m still majorly pissed,shooo,I dont even see her man in that light!!!

ShonaVixen said...

@Parakeet...lol gurl...you made the top 10 though so thats great..lol..

@Miss Love- Keep Hope Alive hon!!There's always a next time!!Ay no apologies for the long comment, its welcome on this place!!I totally understand the thoughts going on in your head, gurl, i once thought of doing a Left-Eye, and actually saw myself sneaking in, starting an inferno n all...gosh funny now when i think of it!!But hey girl, thinking it and doing it are two different things...you'll be aiight gurl, and Shony is here for ya!!


@Audzz - guess the more intense you feel the more the negative feelings also come flowing!Just glad you're dealing with them in a positive manner, enjoy the relationship boo xoxo

Danny Bagucci said...

The classic example of the "Love/ Hate paradox" antithetical yet separated by only a very thin line..

Mr luvable said...

hey i find my self listening 2 yo play list , request . do me and i do u lol memories hahaha

OluwaDee said...

Hubby says i'm very Possessive; mayb I am, mayb I’m not.

I like d me and my husband thing.
& I will always ask, who was that on d phone (if I don’t know who it was).

ShonaVixen said...

@Danny - aint that the truth!

@Mr Luvable - glad you like my music selection, I know quite a few more folks like it too, I try to change it a bit (Young Jezzy's My President is Black' will have a permanent slot on the Top 5) but never before did i have 'Afternoon Requests'..lol..Do me, I do you, thats PSquare right??Unfortunately its not my fav PSquare song...No one Like You or Ifunanya(dont know abt the spelling, forgive I'm a Shona girl..lol)

@Oluwadee - maybe you are, maybe u not..lol..

Black Berry said...

uhn?? are u actually serious? calling all the babes on his fone?? really!! wow!

ShonaVixen said...

I wish I was joking, I just couldnt believe some1 was doing 'Question Time' on me and expecting me to justify a friendship...aint like I'd even sent any insuniating texts/calls/emails or whateva!!She just lucky I wasnt in the cussing out mood..but she did tick me off!!

Nefertiti said...

I'm very vindictive when it comes to this type of stuff. I always tell him 'don't make me suspect you' but did he listen? naaahhhh. I have gone as far as doing a drive by his job just to make sure he's really at work, or his house to make sure he's there. I have some 'special' numbers forever etched in my memory, so even when there's no name to the number, I know xactly who's calling. He calls me 'the watcher'.. what can I say. I know there are a thousand women out there who see what I see. The key is to prevent them from 'dipping in MY cookie Jar'... gosh I sound psychopathic...lol

dejanae said...

haha
did u come with the dr seuss quote?
i heart u

yep
hope is shining real bright these days

bumight said...

i have been down the checking the phone, facebook line, and i can say its not worth it, definitely not good for my bp.
I think I'm calmer now and my bp is in the normal range, lol.

Vera Ezimora said...

I have not done anything after a bitter break up, but I have wished I had the guts, money, connections, and certification of not being caught, so that I could send some people who feel like breaking a few bones 2 break his bones. lol. But I'm over that thought now.

FFF said...

miriam makeba is dead!!!!!! wen did dat happen????? lawd have mercy. so many talented pple dying off!!!! am n shock

Emeka Amakeze said...

If you don't want to find something, don't go looking. The best i've done to protect my relationship is trust. Anything short of it will always produce imaginary images of rival and that will always make you suspicious and on the edge. http://streamsong.blogspot.com

NigerianDramaQueen said...

The one thing I dont have energy for is snooping. I think it bothered this guy I was dating once that I never questioned him or whatever...so he would tell me stuff like I went out with so and so...and I would just be like cool. It could be dieing inside with jealousy or curiosity but I have perfected the art of pretence...and so far I've saved myself extra drama...lol! Loving your playlist btw!

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Am not jealous or possessive when in a relationship but im big on transparency.....so phone calls that someone has to get out of the room to take are a no no, so is 'girl friends' that i never get introduced to or never get to meet. I think everyone in a relationship is a free agent but there should be some degree of accountability

Buttercup said...

I cant believe those that actually call all the females on their bfs phones, as in, what the hell???

Gosh i loved miriam makeba..i used to call her my mummy when i was lil..i wonder how my mum felt..its so sad..

ShonaVixen said...

@Nefertiti - hey they do say forewarned is fore-armed no?..lol..

@Dejanae - i heart u 2!!Hey i have always loved Dr Seuss from when i first came contact wv his work which was in 5th grade!!and yup hope is alive!!

@bumight - gurl glad your bp is now on the normal level, me wants you healthy!!

ShonaVixen said...

@vera - I hear you gurl..lol...

@FFF - I know gurl, talent is passing on, heaven must be so musical...

@Emeka - well said, dont want to find none, dont go starting none..lol..and trust is the basis of a strong foundation...

@NDQ - You are so like me, i dont have the time to play SnoopMaster really!And i never show it too..lol..thanx for enjoying the music!!

@MDM - i guess its that degree of accountability that some will run with and end up being stalkers and ish all in the name of 'accountability'..lol..

@buttercup - u're so right hon...wth!!!and Mama Afrika was just whoa, i remember when she sang the former Zim national anthem and the South African national anthem 'Nkosi Sikelela'...

Shubby Doo said...

1st...barack...all i have to say is the future belongs to those who give the next generation reason to hope… so i say dum spiro, spero (while I breath, I hope)… yes o!… because I see hope as faith holding out its hand in the dark… on November 4th 2008, together a nation of people took hold of it and made a dream become reality… i pray that it has led to a new dawn… AMEN

Shubby Doo said...

2nd i confess that i've done the facebook thing... it just isn't healthy.

i hate it when girl calls me up...i had so many do that me...it always causes a fight with the guy...be it just friends (i'm not interested in anybody's insecurities jare) or a boyfriend (usually meant he was cheating)

i confess i have done it on one occasion...my ex was driving me crazy...i just couldn't understand his behaviour...i found out that my ex had 2 other girlfriends...one wanted to fight with me but I just wanted to know dates and I made it very clear my knowing about them meant it was over with him…one wanted to fight…I was like please whatever…i had no interest in fighting them or him...by then it was no longer about love or hate...i just wanted out

Shubby Doo said...

3rd shona why is your blogger telling me that your blog has not been updated for 6 months @ mine...wtf?!!!

ShonaVixen said...

why is blogger hating on me o?6mths ehn...i will write a letter of complaint to Mr Blogger..lol..(remember white chicks..dear Mr Hamptons?..lol)

those phone calls annoy me, actually m still annoyed sha!Yeah i hear you when you say you'll call just to check for info but i guess its how its all done...the one who called me last week already assumed i was doing her man, please Shona aint been getting busy wiv any1 let alone 'her man'...mcccheww...cue in Neesey from All of Us 'She lucky i found Jesus'..lol..

archiwiz said...

For real, I still feel like I'm in a dream with O'Breezy as the President-elect. It will certainly bolster a lot of African Americans though. (I think & hope)


As per exes... You did the right thing by hanging up on that girl. All that checking up on your dude is just random 13 y.o. nonsense. I haven't tried fighting for anyone yet. Would definitely NOT call anyone in his phone to see who it is cos where would the trust (and maturity) be then? A girl actually called me asking who I was cos she saw my phone number in her bf's phone records (yep, she went beyond the call logs since call logs can be deleted). Turns out she was my cousin's gf. I was so disgusted. And they didn't date for much longer after that.

aloted said...

i cant put comment on your recent post o.

did u and MDM buy your beds from the same place- Ikea..this one that both your beds are broken?? hehe

Kin'shar said...

Hmmm, interesting post....and I guess at my time should I even be here....talking about jealousy, cheating, and dishonesty. Well here goes... there is a such thing as healthy jealousy. But when you are a women that has been scorned by a man so many times...you know what signs to look for.

You know:
*Hiding the phone
*Phone on vibrate/silent
*Answering the phone suspicious
*Pretending to answer the phone
*Looking nervous when the phone rings
*Baby sitting his phone (Carrying his phone everystep he takes...even rest room)


*** So you know your girl gotta check that phone....whats up with this phone...that he gotta hug that motherblicky...all the time. Jealousy is not easy to overcome...both parties have to make the relationship secure... once the trust is broken the relationship has to reinstated. It wont be easy for either to get past what has just happened. But if they truly love each other...they will.

Stay sweet and take care, I will ^_^