Bi*** What Did You Just Say???

What did you just say biiiiatch??? That if I’m from Zimbabwe then I’m South African?? OOOOh insert head twisting, eye-rolling, finger shaking ghetto stance here…Oh hell naw bi**** I’m Zimbabwean!!! Yes, Zimbabwean, not Zambian, not South African but Zimbabwean!! Yes I’m SOUTHERN AFRICAN too, that’s why when I meet a Mozambican we relate, I know to call my friend from Botswana a Motswana not Botswanian, I argue with Kooks about how they claim our Victoria Falls..because we relate BUT still my home is Zimbabwe, the last country alphabetically that is…a beautiful nation! I can click when I speak Ndebele, I’ll switch to my perfect no accent Shona language too!! But don’t dare call me outside my nationality, MNXIII(kissing my teeth Southern style!)…I’ll never ever be ashamed of where I was born and raised! I’m from a people that will say ‘Serious’ to make emphasis on their statement.

I’m part of a people who say ‘ekse’ when they mean ‘friend’. ‘Iwe’ is the name of every unknown and known person. She or he could be a friend or a foe.

We are Southern African and when we say SADC we are talking of links forged through years of connections through more than roads, bridges, borders, lakes and deserts.

We call dumplings ‘fat cooks’, we say 'chips' for what you might crisps!

We made toy cars out of wires! And they was the silver and copper wires..see the tourists flock to buy the works of young kids!

We made balls out of newspapers and shopping bags – and don’t get it twisted not that the parents couldn’t afford the real ball..but these were just better!! Better for aim, better to knock out your opponent, better for durability.

To us BBQ or braai as we call it doesn’t mean just burgers and sausages…nope it means meat(goat, lamb, gizzards et more), chicken, sardines, boerwors, beers, and more beers and did I say loads of meat, mayonnaise with added spicing???Yup…otherwise we call that a drink-up with snacks not a bbq! Do not judge our hospitality skills because we only buy drinks when visitors come and to us there are only two types of salad coleslaw and coleslaw. Dont judge us because we see rice and chicken and we think of Christmas dinner with the relatives.

And yes no matter how educated we can be we are still allowed to think that Coca-cola is the generic name for all soft drinks, Cobra for all floor polish, Surf for all washing powder & Colgate for all toothpaste and Jik for bleach. We know what we are talking about that is what matters.

We are practical people with practical knowledge. We know how to fit 10 people into a fiat or Peugeot 504, if tomato, onion and cooking oil are the only things in the pantry we can be make into a gravy for our sadza, pap or nshima. We are wonderfully scarred by climbing guava, mango and baobab trees.

We are respectful to our parents and elders...the lower we kneel in greeting the greater the respect we have. We call our dads ‘Mudhara’ ‘Muzala’ (old man) when talking to our friends and siblings. Saturday mornings have us washing the cars with the hose-pipe, and yes waterfights are actually fun! Watering the garden with the hose-pipe isn’t a chore but fun! The hose-pipe could also be used as a disciplinary tool…yup multi-fuctional!!..lol..

So what when we give directions some might say "keep going straight, till you reach the fourth house near the big tree and refuse right, corn left at the robots" we still get what the person is saying and normally get there better than any navigation system you paid for. So what when telling the taxi driver where to drop us we say 'By the gum tree' or 'After hump'?He knows the area too maybe not the street name but tell him the landmark, nearest tree or even the family name he'll get you there!!

Steps to us don't mean just ordinary 1,2, 3 flights of stairs. No when we hear steps we think weddings and RHUMBA!!! A wedding is incomplete to us without this essential part..trust even when we go to other non-Southern weddings we are still wishing they did 'maSteps'! The electric slide is done ‘our way’, when ‘gidha’ (get down) we do it well..and even guests will join in, getting the 'steps' and some to a fault..lol..check this video out!

And you may laugh at the names like Fortune, Wisdom, Praise, Passion, Pride but we were innovators before celebrities started naming their kids apple and pixie.

South Africa is where rooibos tea comes from...SOUTHERN AFRICA is where the BANTU people come from...we are all children of the Bantu expansion we traipsed through veld, savanna, okavango to settle in Malawi, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Lesotho, Swaziland, Angola, Namibia, South Africa...WE ARE SOUTHERN AFRICA DHEMMIT!

Thanks to my girls Kooks and Non-Non for helping with this post!! Wordmerchant will tell you how I wore my vexed face when this chick made me South African by default!! Blogville I'll be gone for a while, will I return, I doubt as I've got a severe case of Bloggaria

PS: I love you all, take care of yourselves and as always Happy Sexing xoxo