Thursday, 11 December 2008

One More Angel in Heaven, One More Star in The Sky....

I knew it would be a matter of time, but somehow, somehow I prayed for a miracle…isn’t God, the God of miracles? Every time I thought about it, every time I looked at you, I tried to be brave, I’d smile, I’d hug you and even joke with you but my heart ached. You wrote your first poem, so sweet, few words but it meant a lot to me, you really were trying your best. You were confused, you didn’t understand, you were a child! You asked me ‘Aunty, why does it have to be me?Why cant I be running outside like other kids?Did I do something wrong?’ I had a lump in my throat, and I wasn’t able to answer your questions, instead I hugged you and cried, because I’d been asking God the same questions.

On Tuesday 11th December 2001 @ 3.31pm leukemia won the battle, my heart and my faith were broken, shattered and never was I to be the same! We knew the day would come but still... 7 years on, one would think I’d miss you any less but I don’t. Time heals all wounds? Not this wound!! Everything happens for a reason they say …7 years on I still haven’t got a clue what that reason is! Had you lived your life like Grandpa I’d understand, but you were 6, you would be a teenager by now, again I have a lump in my throat! Remember when you asked your nursery teacher if she’d smoked weed, when she tried to force you to run? That’s become the family joke…You'd say how some-one reminded you of an animal, and now I say it all the time, you won't believe how many squirrels, locusts, and cats I've spotted..LOL..!Remember our dance routine to He Wasn't Man Enough by Toni, your were poorly then but would insist we dance to it...I have a lump in my throat everytime I hear that song! Your wit, jokes, snide comments were too grown for you, but I guess you had to leave us with something to always say about you!!If only just for a minute I could hug you, see your smile, see your dimples (we called you TRIO because you had 3 dimples), but I can’t. All I can ever do is miss you, remember you and hope to see you again! I have your name tattooed on my back, a cute lil cherub too!!

Everything I succeed in is a dedication to you, for I know you’re looking over me, you were the greatest niece & god-daughter, I loved you like my own and I do take care of your daddy, for he hurts too!Lil Angel, we all still hurt! Today will be a long day for me, I will cry for you but I’ll get through it!As for Christmas, there’s always an angel we put up for you as is tradition! This is the most difficult post I have ever written, I thought of not writing it BUT you deserve more than a post! Lil Angel…I miss you like mad, always will and one day we’ll meet again!!Keep it cool and fab up there for me cherie-coco!!
To my darling Audzz, I know today isn't an easy day for you too, as we also remember Papa Audzz!I heart you for being such a great friend...To all those who've lost their loved ones, trust me when I say, I know the pain of such loss!But lets be the best we can be so as to make the angels looking over us smile!! Love always Shona and unfortunately I can't sign off as always xoxo

38 comments:

Angel said...

Darling what a beautiful post, it must have been so hard for you to write. I am so so sorry for your loss of what sounds like an amazing little one.

Audzz said...

Hold my hand........ shona, the peeps we loved and lost will always be holding our hands... Its not "maybe" - we will see em again... LOL @ lil Angel asking the teacher if she'd smoked week?? hahaha - guess she was not a lover of sport either, like her godmama... Love that one of the purposes she served was inspiring you to be who u are in doing what you do with dedication to the love you have for her... I take my papa's love with me everywhere. Miss him lots but dont ache nomore coz i know i'll see him again... Never easy tho... LOVE YOU CHICK!!! XXX

shona tiger said...

Hi, u commented on my blog ages and ages ago... sorry, meant to say thank you. beautiful post; am sorry for your loss.

OluwaDee said...

Despite this being so hard 4 you to write, you have done a good job.
I pray you find comfort in Gods word.

~Sirius~ said...

.....WoW....

NoLimit said...

It is well with you and your family...don't know what to say at this point in time but I know the Balm of Gilead will soothe your pains away...

Laughter said...

It is well babes, such lovely words used. God will strengthen you all at this time and take away the pain.

good naija girl said...

So sorry for your loss. This entry is beautiful, and very touching. I feel for you and your family...

Funms-the rebirth said...

big hugs luv......... no matter how long its been, it still hurts.......... take care!

Tigeress said...

Waow. That is so nice Shona!!!

I know it's been 7 years but sorry about your loss.

gbengasile said...

A very touching and emotional post. Sometimes I wonder why God chooses to gain from our losses. It hurts so bad but then He's the unquestionable one. Maybe someday we'll be able to ask him all those endless questions we long to ask and get our answers. It's well, sis. Great post!

Rita said...

Oh Dear....so touching...but this piece is well written and beautiful...Shona, sorry about this loss

Nefertiti said...

Very beautifully penned. I know she's in a better place. She sounds like an angel. I'm so sorry for your loss.

UndaCovaSista said...

So sorry to hear about your loss. I hope your bearing up well. God bless

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

beautiful post Sho,
those who have loved and lost (in whatever shape or form)
can identify with this post
Thats why we find comfort in the fact that we are christians
coz its not goodbye but
till we meet again....

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

beautiful post Sho,
those who have loved and lost (in whatever shape or form)
can identify with this post
Thats why we find comfort in the fact that we are christians
coz its not goodbye but
till we meet again....

NigerianDramaQueen said...

I'm so sorry about your loss. You articulated your feelings beautifully though...

Shubby Doo said...

this is beautiful shona...hugs

B2B said...

i really felt this...

Danny Bagucci said...

WOW.. obviously something that you felt deeply at the time...never easy to let go of the people who challenge us to go the extra mile and achieve more than we ever tot we would....At least every time you achieve you remember her and etch her memory in the granite of time.. She's def in a better place, where leukaemia can't do anything to her anymore.... Keep smiling, the best is yet to be...

aloted said...

so sorry for your loss :(

K said...

Oh such a beautiful post. Its hard to lose someone you love but its good you remember them through your actions and words.

Afrobabe said...

Awww Shona this is so so so sad...u have caused tears to stream down my face...

I especially hate it when young kids die....why Lord,why? they haven't had time to do anything wrong....

How have u been babes? infact why am I asking u here when I have ur no...mcheeeewww

Naija Idol said...

wow. this actually touched me cos i know d feeling of losing someone and even after so many years, still hurting.

Jinta said...

sad, sad

Marjoram said...

wow.
really sorry
it must be hard,but stay positive dear.i know youre strong.
merry christmas and a happy new year!

Vera Ezimora said...

Oh, I'm so sorry, love. I'm awefully sorry. God knows best.

Jaycee said...

*Sigh*

It's amazing how your niece left a lot for you to talk about...that, in spite of the sadness, is a JOYFUL thing to reflect on. I'm happy you did the post.

Bondgirl said...

Ahhh China, gorgeous post seriously. Written from the heart baby thats the way to express your love and sorrow for someone I am sure was such a great person in life and death.

darkelcee said...

hmmmm. sorry about the loss. this is really touching.

hugs!

sherryice said...

This post really touched me....for the memories are still vivid...it seems like yesterday...even though our loved ones cannot share this day with us......lets make them proud for we are together in spirit and we shall see them again.

Somuso said...

This is so beautiful and yet so sad. I'm sorry for your loss. I lost a family member last year and as someone who has had that conversation with God, I know how you feel. In this world were decent and beautiful people are hard to find, take comfort in the fact that you were lucky enough to have known an angel in your lifetime. That's what gets me by.

WendyB said...

What a beautiful post.

rayo said...

this brot memories, sad memories, and brot tears to my eyes. it hurts so damn bad 4 d ones who r left behind and nt even tym tkes away the memories or the feelings..
sorry abt ur loss,

Gee said...

it is well....

~Sirius~ said...

WoW!

I don't even know what to say.

((((hugs))))

Make sure you put that little angel up every year.

~Sirius~ said...

LOL....i just saw I had the same Expression 1 year after!!!!!

Scarlet said...

Beautiful tribute to your loved one. Sorry for your loss