I knew it would be a matter of time, but somehow, somehow I prayed for a miracle…isn’t God, the God of miracles? Every time I thought about it, every time I looked at you, I tried to be brave, I’d smile, I’d hug you and even joke with you but my heart ached. You wrote your first poem, so sweet, few words but it meant a lot to me, you really were trying your best. You were confused, you didn’t understand, you were a child! You asked me ‘Aunty, why does it have to be me?Why cant I be running outside like other kids?Did I do something wrong?’ I had a lump in my throat, and I wasn’t able to answer your questions, instead I hugged you and cried, because I’d been asking God the same questions.
On Tuesday 11th December 2001 @ 3.31pm leukemia won the battle, my heart and my faith were broken, shattered and never was I to be the same! We knew the day would come but still... 7 years on, one would think I’d miss you any less but I don’t. Time heals all wounds? Not this wound!! Everything happens for a reason they say …7 years on I still haven’t got a clue what that reason is! Had you lived your life like Grandpa I’d understand, but you were 6, you would be a teenager by now, again I have a lump in my throat! Remember when you asked your nursery teacher if she’d smoked weed, when she tried to force you to run? That’s become the family joke…You'd say how some-one reminded you of an animal, and now I say it all the time, you won't believe how many squirrels, locusts, and cats I've spotted..LOL..!Remember our dance routine to He Wasn't Man Enough by Toni, your were poorly then but would insist we dance to it...I have a lump in my throat everytime I hear that song! Your wit, jokes, snide comments were too grown for you, but I guess you had to leave us with something to always say about you!!If only just for a minute I could hug you, see your smile, see your dimples (we called you TRIO because you had 3 dimples), but I can’t. All I can ever do is miss you, remember you and hope to see you again! I have your name tattooed on my back, a cute lil cherub too!!
Everything I succeed in is a dedication to you, for I know you’re looking over me, you were the greatest niece & god-daughter, I loved you like my own and I do take care of your daddy, for he hurts too!Lil Angel, we all still hurt! Today will be a long day for me, I will cry for you but I’ll get through it!As for Christmas, there’s always an angel we put up for you as is tradition! This is the most difficult post I have ever written, I thought of not writing it BUT you deserve more than a post! Lil Angel…I miss you like mad, always will and one day we’ll meet again!!Keep it cool and fab up there for me cherie-coco!!
To my darling Audzz, I know today isn't an easy day for you too, as we also remember Papa Audzz!I heart you for being such a great friend...To all those who've lost their loved ones, trust me when I say, I know the pain of such loss!But lets be the best we can be so as to make the angels looking over us smile!! Love always Shona and unfortunately I can't sign off as always xoxo