Tuesday, 12 August 2008

The entré ain't as good without somethin on the side?

Firstly, totally un-related to this post I'd just like to say KIRSTY COVENTRY thank you for bringing forth a smile on my face, I was teary-eyed when they played the Zim National Anthem... 1 Gold & 3 Silver Medals..well done to you!!And as for Michael Phelps...speechless!!You're a champion
Ok now back to the matter @ hand please dont cuss me out for the the title of this post! Its Fabuloso' s lyrics for the song 'Cant Let You Go'! This is a man trying to say why he has some-one else, or 'small house as they say in Zim' .I did say to Miss DM that this would be my next post on the 'Other Woman' as I have said to be this is definitely non-negotiable, I will not ever be the other woman knowingly. The other woman has been called loads of names after the one with the cheating partner has found out, 'Slut', 'Trick', 'Heifer', 'Ho', 'Sideline Ho', 'Home-wrecker', 'Man-snatcher', 'Ashawo', 'Super Ashawo'the list is endless.

There's the deceived single female, who becomes the Other Woman unknowingly, Sister A. She's got it together, she's independent, smart, and meets this man, who says he is single, looks single, you've been to house..you do the 'checks' and yup he lives single..he ticks most of the other boxes and so you start dating. Feelings are invested, this feels right, the one you've been waiting for until the bomb strikes!After months or years of investments you find out that Mr Single is actually not Mr Single but he's mastered the art of living double lives! So she finds out that she's the other woman and here is where it either ends or begins for some. For sister A, she blames herself, her 'checks' werent that good enough, why couldnt she spot it, so after self-blame, she says well I might have been fooled this once, but wont wait to hear his 'explanation', she does feel hurt, oh yes, she's not made of iron is she? But she takes the bold move and keeps on stepping. Why stay and be the 'something on the side'? She wants to be the 'entré '! So she sees this as a lesson learned and moves on.

Then there's Sister B (Emotionalia) she finds out brothaman is married or committed BUT she doesnt go anywhere. Her emotions have been invested in this relationship, and way too deep an investment. She tries to walk away, but she's just not that strong. To every-one else around her she's way too gullible BUT she's just believing that the man she met couldnt be lying to her saying he will leave his wife/girlfriend, would he really do that to her?No, not Mr McDreamy. Maybe she's had a cycle of relationships where she's hasnt been appreciated right from child-hood, no love within the family circle, and so even though he's not hers alone, she still loved right?Why should believing a person be so wrong?She says she doesnt deserve all the names they keep saying she is.

Sister C, like Emotionalia, she has had her feeling invested in this, however once she finds out, she agrees to play by the rules after she's found out not call the house, appreciate that holidays are family-time. Maybe, like Carol in FORTY, her biological clock is tick-tocking, so as long as he will father her child she's good. She independent in every other aspect of her life, she just wants to father her child with some-one she likes.

Then there's Sister D (Venomia), she says 'Hell, you can call me names for all I care, but why did he step outside of your 'love-zone' to me?She feels she has something better to give to the man who has side-stepped, yes her love is the shhhhh! And so what he's committed to some-one else? all men cheat, so why not enter this knowingly? She doesnt need her space to be crowded, this suits her fine for she gets some when she needs some! The more committed, the better she says!And once more, dont blame him for cheating, blame the one he cheated on...he came to her so dont blame her!

There's Sister E(Dollarbillia), she like married men. She likes them because to her its all about the dollar-dollar bill!Its all about show me the money, show her the cash and you could have 60 wives for all she cares! Sugar-daddies are her fortee, hey she has many more years to worry about before she can think of settling down with the single guy..so why not enjoy?Why would she sleep with the young college guys all in the name of emotions/love when she can actually get money and more money for the older men?

With the exception of Sister A - All these sisters have problems. They mightnt know it .Sister B, she thinks that's love and embraces any form of affection she can get. She does somehow know its wrong, but still feels that her emotions are too deep and she'd be hurt even more if she walked away from this. Sister D hides behind the masks of thinking she's hott like fire, and she must have something better to give, and sees cheating as normal...she also needs to re-evaluate herself. Yes she does think she's hot, but does she value herself that much?

But I wont judge, who knows maybe they're all really and truly happy in such a situation?I know for sure I wouldnt be, call me selfish as much as you like BUT i dont like sharing when it comes to my man!!I however will lay the blame where its supposed to go..the man or woman whatever the case maybe..the cheater..who has no excuses, no valid reason..no. For he will be responsible for all the deceipt, the lies and the side-stepping. However, some do lay it down as it is, call a spade - a spade make it known that they're committed and thats where Sister Venomia comes in remember she likes them committed! And also its just not women, there are men out there who dont mind being with married/committed women(remember that blogville 'saga'..lol..see me o'..lol). This topic is one thats one of the most talked about BUT we will never ever reach a solution, for not every-one has the strength and wants to move on. In an ideal world, every one would appreciate faithfulness and the sanctity of marriage, but there are just those who claim to have an insatiable appetite, how the other person changed (so why cant you change with them?) and really I think lack of communication. No communication on how the other feels short-changed, or unhappy, rather they go and look elsewhere therefore not solving the problem...and some are just plain GREEDY!! Anyway folks have ur say...try&stay committed to those you're committed to..if you get tempted PRAY..as always happy sexing xoxo

PS: I didnt even realise it was this long...sorry guys..hope it wont put u off..xxx

39 comments:

Afrobabe said...

First????

Afrobabe said...

I had always assumed Ho meant whore…hmmm…One thing learnt and filed!!


Yeah….I particularly hate it when the woman has been deceived.like the case of sister A, there are some who dated men that actually had wives abroad but never knew..They invested everything inot the relationship and believe me no matter what anyone says its not easy to walk out of a long term relationship….unless you are me of course.

Sister D is hell on earth…You never want to meet her and pray your husband never does…She feels absolutely no guilt in talking to you anyhow nor probably beating you up…she is the one you see in movies where she plots with the man to have the woman disposed of…

Afrobabe said...

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh I was first....lol...dancing all over...cant touch this!!!

ShonaVixen said...

@ Afro - LOL..u doing the Hammer dance..LOL!! Does that HO mean otherwise?aaah even me the poster think it means that o..lol.. I so agree with you that aint easy being Sister A unless you are me or you ..lol...and Sister D is very dangerous and i know a couple of them, and they are always on the defensive and what they're doing is right!!

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

for a moment there I thought you said if you get tempted STRAY lol


decieved huh? Its a moot point that one....'If you put blinkers on a race horse dont expect it to notice the other horse thats competing in the race and winning.'

ps: Good post Shona but you left out another type of 'the other woman' .....my type....but thats a post for another day

ShonaVixen said...

@ DM lol..stray..lol..thank DM..more info on ur type of woman then??LOL..Deceived yup, its not even about having the blinkers, coz sometimes there are no red-flags flying or maybe u're right..u just dont notice the red flags..but so long as you move on after you've seen it clearly..no problemo ne?

kay-shawn said...

You're right about sister A who does the honourable thing by moving on.
Shame about sister B.
I have nothing to say about the others.

Interesting piece.

Shubby Doo said...

I with Sister A all the way but i don't agree that she won't have problems...she will keep on stepping but she will find it hard to skip into the next man's arms.

What i don't understand what takes place to innocent girls that makes the believe that it is alright to be Sister B, C, D or E. How can it be acceptable to be the bit on the side...*sigh*...where is the self worth?

Men can easily be sister B, C, D or E too sha

ShonaVixen said...

@ Kay-Shawn thank u sir xoxo

@ Shubby Doo - i totally agree with you...you have to wonder about their self-worth..i always think there are underlying factors to their behaviour but some just ignore to check themselves and carry on. I was reading in Essence mag that it can be related to Post-Traumatic Relationship Disorder..some people just get an 'it was done to me so why shouldnt i' attitude!

badderchic said...

Im beefing Afro!. ehen, so who all these sisters be in real life ehn? talk true o!

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

hmmmmm some things are not always in black and white (sigh)

ps: Shubby Doo that sigh was for you lol

ShonaVixen said...

@ badderchic - u know them now..lol

OluwaDee said...

"In an ideal world, every one would appreciate faithfulness and the sanctity of marriage."

U hv said it all; I need not say more.

Like u I like my man 2 myself alone, n am willing 2 do everything I can 2 keep him 2 myself.

Lighty 'neferet' Kopearl said...

this issue is one i wonder about. why do committed men commit another woman???

its not fair on the women at all.

wot happened to one man woman???

and why are sum women just interested in committed menh???

Auds said...

shona look what u done now?? got afrobabe doin the hammer dance and all. men who deceive women pretending to be single grind on my last nerve. I feel bad for sister A & B and i say to all the rest, get ya act together, you only setting yourself up for hurt... Me dont get involved with commited men and will not share my man, but if i had to find out i was the "other woman" once loved up already, i'd get my step on.....

yankeenaijababe said...

You have a great blog, love is krazy and sometimes one can't blame some sisters.

auds said...

@yankeenaijababe - there is a quote that says “We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

for me following sister A's path is what i think wise to prevent suffering

Standtall said...

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ( I sighed).

Afrobabe in a new picture?

naijalines said...

Loving this post, sista.
I agree with Afrobabe. The woman who's been deceived has it the toughest. It's not her fault but she suffers.

Unfortunately society's pressure on women to be attached brings out the bitch in some women...To the point that they lose all logic and sense of fairplay. They grab at all costs even when it causes misery to others.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

errrrr naijalines you can only grab that which wants to be grabbed in the first instance. Honey its more the cunt in the boyfriend/husband than the bitch in the woman me thinks. Half the time its the man who does the chasing.....but mebbe am not being objective

Parakeet said...

Lol, your last comment made me laugh. Yes it was long but it was worth a read. A lot of women out there I've been in this situation before me inclusive but the best thing is to find the strenght to move on like sis A. I did once and its paying off now.

Well done girl!

Mz. Dee said...

ahh gurl i loved readin this. ure so on point about everything!

Afrobabe said...

lmao @ the comments here..some are beefing me...badderchic u r sister D and loving it...bad girl..lol...ok, I kid I kid..

standtall say na my pic...yep..Afro the new angel...infact that angel is begining to bore me...I am seriously looking for another pic to rep me....lol

Buttercup said...

interestin analysis...

i like the names u gave the sisters!

Elle Woods said...

i have been in that kind of situation before and let me tell you....i was super pissed...as in wanted to go to his house drag his ass out on the street and beat the living daylights out of him. For one i was so mad he put me in that kind of situation to begin with cos my friends know, i viewing whoring side women as complete idiots so for this idiot to put me in that same place was like...ah.....lighting is going to strike one of us today and for ur sake it better be me...cos if not i will maim you.
To the point where his other girl actually called my house early in the morning.
I swear some men are just useless.
I should save this ranting for a blog post......even tho this happened years ago...i still get mad thinking bout it.lol.

Waffarian said...

Hehehehehehe. My sister, men are capable of not only leading double lives but triple lives as well. In fact, I still dont know the truth about some men I have met in my life...I am even doubting their names heheheheh I swear.

I once met a man that I knew as single, his close friends knew him as married, his work mates knew him as having a serious girlfriend and a couple of others knew him as divorced. Till today, I no know wetin im be. Na mystery.

ShonaVixen said...

@oluwade - you said it well my dear!

@lighty - i really dont understand men too, committing to more than one woman, is it not stressful??

@Auds - i agree with you that getting your step on is the wisest choice to avoid further pain and deception

@ Yankee - thanks and i do agree that sometimes the heart rules out any sensible actions..matters of the heart aint easy BUT i guess it needs a stronger person to realise that its wrong and move on.

@ Naijalines thanks hon. And yes, Sister A has it the toughest, dealing with deception is never an easy one, trusting another wont be easy.

@ Miss Definitely Maybe - Yess the men do the chasing but its not always mandatory for them to catch their prey..lol..I wonder you know a Sister D or somthing??LOL

@ Buttercup - i tried hon. Thanx xoxo

@ Afro - hey Afro angel, you've changed the pic now?

@ Elle Woods - I so feel ya girl and when you're put in such a situation you do want to hurt somebody and that somebody being the GUY!!


@Waffie - true some you'll just never know..

ShonaVixen said...

@ Parakeet - thanx so much hon!!

@ Mz Dee - my number 1 fan???Hmmm i think not now...LOL..

Miss Cheri said...

I guess Kirtsy Coventry is a national hero. So good for a country that is suffereing several bashings in the global media.

She deserves more than a gold medal. I watched her, she was awesome.

As for Michael Phelps...he's on his own planet. For many years to come.

-Miss Cheri

Mz. Dee said...

i am!!!! i am!!! i am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm sowi.... *Sniff*

ShonaVixen said...

we'll see ...lol

pamela said...

:-)

The other woman....lol...I have a lot to say about her...oops..I think I have said a lot about her in the past....but apart from greed which is a factor but the question is WHY does the other woman often get the man? What is missing in the relationship?

Often, there are no victims, only people who could have been heros.

Funms said...

Sister A is very sensible to move on but ill add strong. I'm sure sister b sometimes wish she could move on but one's emotion is a bitch.... sometimes it takes over violently u dont know what ur doing. I so hope my husband never meets sister C and D......
nice post

Kin'shar said...

afrobabe you were first, second, and third boo....LOL


We as women always seem to have some issues, but it up to us to have higher respect for ourselves....and make this a lesson learned


















......and move on!!

Standtall said...

@Afrobabe: kinda think u have changed the picture alrady

naijalines said...

@ Miss Definitely Maybe
Like Shona Vixen said, men would do the chasing but it's the woman who decides if she wants to be prey or not. Yes things are not always black or white but it seems to me that some women just don't bother to read between the lines...they dive in head first and way too deep.

aloted said...

nawa o...i agree na only Sister A correct for this group..All the other sisters need prayers...it might be rooted from their selfesteem.

Thanks for stopping by mine. :)

tuttifrutti said...

This is one hot story ....yea when you're deceived .. my bad but the rest of them sisters B TO whatever .. to Z ain't got no excuse. Half the time people who will latch on another woman's man have issues in themselves.... so...... DEAL WITH YERSELVES GUYS....
I been deceived once before I felt absolutely filthy and whilst it hurt I purposefully walked away.....

tuttifrutti said...

This is SOME SIZZLER... Yea only sister A is innocent in all this...all the others are gulity as sin.
Bottom line - it ain't right to steal on another chic's man - valid raeson or no... even if you've been duped yrself that ain't no reason to be man to others....